Anyone can become a friend.
You probably still keep in touch with childhood friends, as well as friends you’ve made recently at work and during your travels. You may consider yourself to be the epitome of what a good friend should be.
But are you always like that? Ever found it difficult to maintain a supportive and connected relationship?
There is a lot of discussion about improving your authentic self, but less is said about improving your friendships. Why not learn how to improve that area of our lives since relationships have a significant impact on our well-being and general health?
In order to improve friendships, let’s start there.
Table of Contents
Why is It Important to Be a Good Friend?
The road to friendship is two-way. Why would someone feel the need to stand by you if you aren’t a good friend?
You can always learn something new if you have good friends. Your point of view might shift as you make an effort to be a good friend.
Consider a scenario in which you are supporting a friend as they adjust to a significant career change; doing so may encourage you to accept change in your own life by demonstrating the benefits of change to you.
As they attempt to balance all aspects of their lives, people become busy. It takes a lot of time to complete professional obligations, spend time with family, finish school or obtain a certificate.
A good friend, however, is someone who sticks by their friend through everything and offers support. Friendships may be pushed out of the spotlight by romantic relationships.
Remember that your best friend was there before your significant other, and strike a healthy balance in the time you devote to your relationships.
We all have busy lives, but maintaining our friendships shouldn’t be one of them.
Understanding a toxic friendship is a necessary part of learning how to be a good friend. If you’re being toxic or if your friend is endangering your mental health, you’ll become more aware of yourself.
How Can Having Good Friends Improve Your Mental Health?
More than just having someone to hang out with, our friendships affect us in deeper ways. Our mental health is enhanced and our daily activities are influenced by strong friendships.
Friendships Can Help Alleviate Stress
You can manage stress by knowing that you have a support network of individuals who can assist you in problem-solving and provide you with sound advice. They are there to listen and offer assistance if you are going through trying life changes, such as balancing a new job with new family responsibilities.
Being supported by our friends can be very beneficial. When dealing with stress, people’s blood pressure and heart rates decreased when they had a friend by their side, according to research published in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine.
Regardless of how stressful their surroundings were, participants were able to unwind more and appreciate the assistance and company that their friends provided.
Friendships Boost Self-esteem and Confidence
Additionally, friends provide supportive encouragement. They surround us with positivity, which gives us more self-esteem and confidence, and helps us achieve our objectives.
According to research, we feel more supported and self-assured when we regularly maintain positive, in-person connections with other people. Without it, we often feel more alone and suffer from poorer well-being.
Additionally, some research shows that while social media makes it simple for us to connect with others, it cannot replace the positive effects that face-to-face interactions can have on our self-esteem and general well-being.
The American Psychological Association also discovered that at any age, the way that our self-esteem and self-confidence develops is influenced by our social relationships. We can be greatly influenced by the people we are around and the support they give us. Our well-being is also increased by healthy friendships, whereas the effects of unhealthy social connections are the opposite.
Friendships Serve as a Support System During Struggles
Because everyone has different struggles, the ways in which we support our friends may vary. When it comes to reaching out or meeting you in the middle of a friendship’s two-way street, someone who is depressed or anxious might find it more difficult.
To a person suffering from depression, being a good friend demonstrates that they are not fighting their battles alone. Remember that you can’t fix everything, but you can help by encouraging your friend to take care of themselves and to practice patience and understanding throughout their journey with their mental health.
Sometimes friends are unable to offer the same level of support as mental health professionals. If you can’t provide someone with the amount of support they require, know that you’re still a good friend because you’re helping them find the support they need.
Similar to friendships, our social networks play a significant role in our well-being. When we have a social network to lean on for support during trying times, our sense of well-being improves.
How Can You Be a Better Friend?
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “How can I improve my friendships?” then look no further. Here are 11 tips on how to be a better friend:
- Don’t Flake on Plans When someone double books, it’s acceptable, but if they cancel five times in a row, they will always remember you as that unreliable friend.
- Make plans, be reliable and show u, keep your word, and be present for others both physically and mentally.
- Check-in on Them A chance text asking how their week is going will show them that no matter how busy you are with your own life, they are still a priority. You don’t need to be physically close to be emotionally present.
- Be a Great Listener It takes a lot of practice to become an expert listener.
- The true test of your listening skills is whether you can actively hear someone out without having to add your own stories. In other words, serve as a sounding board and occasionally know when to keep quiet.
- Have Fun and Make New Memories When necessary, offer Oprah quotes, but leave room in your friendship for the good times as well. A true friendship will have laughter lines.
- Champion Their Milestones Make a scene when things are going their way and celebrate their victories with them! Even the smallest act can make it clear that you value their success and happiness.
- Even the smallest act can clearly communicate to someone that their success and happiness are important to you, whether it’s a promotion, a new baby, or having the courage to finally get rid of that f*ck boy. You benefit when they triumph.
- Practice the Art of Empathy We all progress through life stages at a different rate, so even if you can’t always understand or relate to what they’re going through, you can at least try to put yourself in their situation for a moment. You can still find ways to comprehend their reality, regardless of whether they are single and you are married or whether they are adjusting to motherhood while you are far from ready for children.
- Accept That Life Just Gets in the Way Sometimes Life gets away from all of us occasionally; it’s neither you nor them; as long as you both understand that it’s only a phase and that you can pick things back up when things are a little less crazy, that’s all you need to know.
- Know When You’re in the Wrong The mark of a top friend is the ability to swallow pride and admit error. Live and learn, as they say!
- Be Loyal and Trustworthy In any interpersonal relationship, lack of trust can be fatal. They need to be assured that they can confide in you completely. You’ve got their back, and then some.
- Speak from the Heart One of the most important characteristics of a good friend is honesty. Everyone needs a reliable friend on speed dial. While you should respect their boundaries, never be afraid to provide moral direction if they ever lose their bearings.
- Accept Them for Who They Are A good friend is someone who supports you in being your genuine self without worrying about criticism. In spite of your flaws, weaknesses, and mistakes, they will still love you.
How Can You Tell When You’re Not Being a Good Friend?
We now understand what qualities make a good friend, but it’s also critical to recognize those qualities in a bad friend. Be aware of any patterns of behavior or habits you recognize in the examples below going forward.
1. You Can’t Keep Any of Their Secrets
Friends are supposed to be able to confide in one another about personal information and things they don’t want the world to know. You are betraying their trust if you find yourself telling the next person you speak to their secrets.
They trusted you with personal information, and if you shared it with others, it might cause them to lose confidence in you and limit the number of people they will open up to in the future.
2. You Take Advantage of Their Loyalty
All of your life, true friends will remain devoted to and supportive of you. People who profit from the generosity and kindness of others aren’t good friends.
People are taken advantage of rather than valued for their support and loyalty. You might do it by asking your friends to do your chores or assume the responsibilities you’d rather not have.
3. You Never Say You’re Sorry
When was the last time you offered your friend an apology? You aren’t treating your loved ones with respect if you find it difficult to accept that you were wrong or that what you did was impolite.
True friends don’t just acknowledge when they’ve hurt someone else; they also apologize and work to learn from their errors so they don’t repeat them.
4. You Don’t Put Too Much Effort into the Friendship
Once more, a healthy friendship is a two-way street. Are you contacting them via text message in the same way that they are contacting you? How often do you ask them if they want to catch up?
You are investing in the friendship when you make an effort to learn more about them, listen attentively, and fully comprehend them. If you’re not, you might be sending them the message that you don’t care about them and don’t value them as a friend.
5. You Constantly Bail on Them
Sometimes we can’t make all of our plans come true because life happens. However, you aren’t demonstrating that you care about their feelings if you consistently disregard them in favor of something else. Take the example of your former roommate suggesting you go out to dinner.
It doesn’t demonstrate much loyalty if you already had plans to abandon them for this new person and do the same with another friend. Leaving them sends the wrong message that you don’t value their time or your relationship.
7 Extra Tips for Shy People
For extroverts, making friends and taking steps to improve their relationships may come naturally. For those who are more reserved, however, it might be difficult.
Here are seven tips to help you become a better friend and get along with others if you feel like your shyness intervenes:
- Encourage yourself with positive self-talk
- Step outside your comfort zone to better understand your friends
- Be curious about your friends and ask questions when appropriate
- Focus on who you’re talking to and be an active listener
- Don’t worry about your mistakes or what others think of you
- Come up with a list of conversation topics beforehand
- Form relationships on social media or other web platforms that require less in-person social interactions
How to Argue With Your Friends
Inherent in the human experience is conflict. Although we are aware that arguments with our partners or family members can be resolved, a fight with a friend can feel riskier.
Friendships are “relationships of choice,” and the ties are more easily undone than those formed with relatives or romantic partners. Even when we’re not perfect, we expect our friends to be understanding and encouraging.
A friend recently expressed her displeasure at my absence from a gathering to which she had invited me. A part of me wanted a friend who would always be supportive of my decisions and wouldn’t make me feel bad for having boundaries. But I also felt conflicted about this. Nevertheless, the fact that my friend confided in me and expressed her emotions gave me the impression that she cared about our friendship. In the end, I’m glad we had the conversation, but it made me realize how risky it can feel to try to work out (rather than brush aside) differences of opinion with our friends.
According to studies, conflict with our friends feels particularly personal and can be more harmful to our health than other types of conflict. For women but not for men, negative social interactions with friends were linked to an increased risk of high blood pressure, according to two Carnegie Mellon researchers, Rodlescia Sneed and Sheldon Cohen. In light of this, women in particular should resolve issues with friends because doing so can improve both their friendship and health.
Practice Acceptance
There are flaws in friendships. They may let you down occasionally. They may occasionally ignore you. However, being a good friend occasionally entails putting up with your friend’s faults and accepting them. The importance of acceptance is frequently emphasized to romantic partners in couples therapy, and the same theory can be used to improve friendships. The safest course of action for many of us to deal with the drawbacks of a friendship seems to be acceptance.
The main tenet of acceptance therapy is that compassion can be attained by accepting the characteristics and behaviors of others. Conflict resolution tends to increase when friends or romantic partners learn to treat one another with compassion. The idea behind acceptance therapy is that rather than imposing change, partners should begin by accepting one another’s differences. This kind of comprehension frequently results in voluntary changes that are more enduring and consistent with each person’s fundamental personality and behaviors. People are more likely to change willingly and frequently make more changes than requested when they feel accepted and understood by someone they care about. Acceptance and compassion are likely to strengthen friendships even in the absence of change.
Rick Hanson, a psychologist and senior fellow at the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, writes in the “Your Wise Brain” column in Psychology Today, that it’s easier to practice acceptance if you think about how good it feels when someone accepts you, warts and all.
Dr. Hanson advises an “acceptance practice” that allows you to identify the things that are bothering you about your friend while also accepting them.
Pick someone special to you and start with a general acceptance, saying out loud or in your mind or writing down the following things:
- I accept you in every way.
- You act, speak, and think the way you do for a variety of reasons, both significant and insignificant.
- I simply allowed you to be who you are.
- You are a fact, and I take my life as it comes.
- It is what it is, and I accept the fact that you and I are a part of a bigger whole.
Next, you can add more details by speaking aloud or out loud about the aspects of the friendship that are upsetting you.
- I understand that it’s challenging for you to find time for me.
- I understand that you occasionally say hurtful things.
- I recognize that you occasionally have selfish interests.
“Accepting people does not itself mean agreeing with them, approving of them, waiving your own rights, or downplaying their impact upon you,” Dr. Hanson says. “You can still take the necessary steps to support or safeguard yourself and others. Or you could just let things be. In either case, you acknowledge the other person for who they truly are. Even though you may not enjoy it, prefer it, or feel sad or angry about it, deep down you are at peace with it. Simply that is a blessing. And on occasion, your decision to accept what is can actually make things better.”
How to Resolve Conflict With Your Friends
We occasionally have disagreements with our friends that are too significant to be resolved through acceptance, so we must instead find a solution. Nobody likes conflict, but according to relationship experts, every conflict offers a chance to strengthen a bond. The trick is to figure out how to argue productively so that it makes you feel better about your friends.
Studies on married couples have taught us a lot about how to resolve conflicts in relationships, but the fundamental techniques apply to workplace disputes as well as disputes in close friendships and intimate relationships.
According to marriage expert John Gottman, the initial few minutes of any personal argument when the fight is just getting started are the most crucial. Here are some general tips from the research on how to handle disagreements with friends or lovers.
Focus on the complaint rather than the criticism. Don’t criticize your friend to start the conversation. Be specific in your complaint and concentrate on what made you unhappy. “I was upset that we didn’t get to spend time together at the party,” is a much better conversation starter than, “Never are you available when I need you.”
Avoid “you” phrases. Phrases like “You always” and “You never” are almost always followed by criticism and blame.
Think about pronouns. Sentences that start with “I” or “We” help you identify problems and solutions, rather than putting blame on someone else.
Be aware of body language. No rolling of the eyes, which is a sign of disdain. When you speak, turn to face your friend. To demonstrate that you are receptive to their opinions and feelings, avoid crossing your legs or folding your arms. During an argument, neither of you should be looking up or down; instead, you should both be seated or standing at eye level.
Learn to de-escalate: Take it upon yourself to defuse a heated argument. Here are some phrases that are always useful in de-escalation:
- “What if we…”
- “I know this is hard…”
- “I hear what you’re saying…”
- “What do you think?”
Dr. Gottman cites research that shows conflict with loved ones is not necessarily a bad thing. Having studied conflict for years, Dr. In order to help people strengthen their relationships, Gottman has stated that he is a firm believer in the power of argument. In fact, airing our differences gives our relationship “real staying power,” he says. To ensure that the discussion is beneficial rather than harmful, just make sure the beginning is done correctly.
Final Thoughts: Start Investing in Your Friendships
In the future, remember that not all friendships are meant to endure. Some people only remain in your life if you work or attend class with them. That’s fine, but your closest friends should have a friend who will stand by them, just as you should have a friend who does the same for you.
Maybe some of the things you read made you nervous about how much you could relate to them. It’s important that you’re making an effort to develop the abilities that will enable you to be a better friend. In the long run, both you and your friends’ mental health will gain from this.
However, this does not imply that you should completely alter who you are. Your true friends don’t want you to change who you are, and you can’t.