Finding the right words to express comfort to a friend who is struggling can be challenging. Sometimes “I’m here for you” can seem like it’s not enough to express how much you feel for them. You might want to fix the situation, even if you are unable to, whether it involves a family argument, a difficult breakup, or the death of a loved one. Even though it’s not what they want, you might try to assist them by providing them with solutions to their problems.
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Why Do You Need To Comfort Someone?
1. You feel happier and more positive about yourself when you provide comfort to someone else.
2. It enables you to forge a deeper bond with that person when you provide comfort to someone else. You learn how to put others before yourself.
3. Your life has more meaning and purpose when you provide comfort to others. You feel good when you make someone smile.
How To Comfort Someone?
1. Witness their feelings
Simply describe what you see or feel to begin comforting someone. Recognizing what you see and reassuring them by restating what they just said will demonstrate to them that you are paying attention. It also enables you to make it clear that you and they are on the same page and reduces the possibility that you will misunderstand their circumstances.
2. Offer Financial Help
Accepting financial assistance when one needs it is one of the most difficult things for someone to do. Usually, pride plays a role. Even when they might be in a tight financial situation, most people don’t want to bother their loved ones by asking for money.
Giving them a cash envelope covertly at this point is one of the best things you can do. You could also just pay the funeral home directly if there are any unpaid balances.
These financial assistance offers are typically appreciated. Making it less of a big deal will help your loved one accept the help and lessen any stress they may be feeling. You can decide later whether you anticipate them paying you back or whether this was a gift or donation made in memory of their loved one.
3. if They Need To Talk, Just Text Me Anytime
A text message is often referred to as a phone call for casual communication. They feel more confident in their ability to communicate because they have time to collect their thoughts before speaking. Additionally, before sending a message via text, you can write and edit it.
It is the ideal way to offer support to someone who is struggling when you take into account how simple and convenient texting is and how you can send messages at any time without needing or anticipating a prompt reply. For late-night messages, in particular, you can set expectations about when you’ll reply to prevent any resentment.
4. Affirm that their feelings make sense
Try to use the same emotional word that they did to validate someone else’s feelings. We can sometimes demonstrate our ability to relate by drawing on prior personal experiences. However, be careful not to change the focus of the conversation to you, but rather, share to show that you empathize. The other person’s story should take precedence over comparing your past experiences to theirs.
5. Draw out their feelings
The majority of the time, people just want to be heard, even though some do seek advice or a solution to their issues. We’re trying to get a better response from them by asking how something made them feel. It is not solely just about what they felt but it’s how they felt that we can gain deeper insights into their world. By asking someone “how” instead of “what”, this avoids being caught in one-word replies. Even if you find yourself with a one-word reply to “how did that make you feel”, you would have given the person more room to share if they wanted to.
It’s crucial to realize that your job is to get the other person to talk rather than to start talking yourself before offering a solution. We can better understand someone’s feelings if they express what is making them feel down and why. Avoid asking “why” questions because they might come across as judgmental rather than helping the other person understand their suffering.
6. Offer Advice Only
Being able to sit back, listen, and know when to offer words of support or encouragement are all necessary components of providing comfort. People who are struggling might just need someone to talk to. They can strengthen their relationship and gain an understanding of their circumstances by talking. Even so, they might not necessarily need or want any advice or input.
Asking your loved ones how you can help them or where they want the conversation to go will help you better understand their needs. Do they require your counsel or do they merely wish to vent about their struggles?
7. Allow Their Tears To Flow
Providing someone who is grieving with the time and space to cry enables them to process their feelings as they try to make sense of their loss. This is a typical stage of the grieving process and a healthy way for them to release all of the emotions they may have been holding in.
Some people believe that when people come to pay their last respects, they must put on a brave face and maintain their composure in front of other people. They never give themselves permission to experience the human feelings connected to suffering, pain, and death.
As time goes on, the emotions they’ve been suppressing could come to the surface in ways they’re not sure how to handle. The anger they feel toward themselves and others may stem from their feelings of loss and despair. Crying relieves some of the stress brought on by repressed emotions and helps the soul.
8. Learn About What They’re Going Through
Many different kinds of losses can have an impact on people, and they frequently have nothing to do with the death of a loved one. You never know what someone is going through behind a smile or behind closed doors, according to a well-known proverb. Never assume that a person’s situation is limited to what you think you know about it. Instead of assuming something about someone else’s problem or issue, try asking them. You might be shocked to learn that they face much more difficult obstacles than you anticipated.
9. Empathize
You might be able to see things from your loved one’s perspective by putting yourself in their position.
You might not be able to fully comprehend their loss because you haven’t gone through it at their level, but you might be able to relate to them because you have experienced a loss that is similar to theirs. You don’t have to fully understand their emotions to realize that they are hurting and grieving.
Remember that nothing you’ve gone through can compare to what they’re going through right now when you talk about your experience. Giving specifics about what you went through might not be appropriate at this time. Just give them this space to be alone in their grief over the loss of a loved one.
10. Reassure Them That They’re Not Alone
By reassuring someone who is distressed or grieving over a specific loss, you are helping them by validating their feelings. After a severe loss, it can be challenging to deal with anxiety. When experiencing tragedy, a person might feel as though everything is upside down and there is no way out. Despite their best efforts, they can’t help but feel anxious because of their racing thoughts. Make it known to your family members that you are always available for them to talk to and that you can be the one to reassure them that things will improve.
11. Offer To Call The Family
Your emotions might spiral out of control when you learn tragically that someone you love has passed away.
You might not lose control, but everyone responds to this kind of news differently. You might also be unsure of what to do next. If someone you know and love experiences this, be aware that they might not be able to think clearly at the time. They might also decide against calling other people to inform them of the incident.
While they pause to take in the news, offer to take over this responsibility. You might want to start making phone calls on their behalf by going through their mobile phone contact list. Be prepared to introduce yourself and the reason for your call in a brief introductory statement.
12. Help Them Put Things In Perspective
It’s possible for someone to lack the ability to think clearly when they’re under stress or anxiety. They might become so engrossed in their fear that they fail to notice the situation as it is. People experience altered perceptions as a result of stress and anxiety. Your body and brain’s internal chemical processes change how you perceive your surroundings.
You perceive conditions as being more serious than they actually are as a result of these stress responses. Remind your friend or other loved one that, although things may not always appear to be dire, they often are, and that, once they have recovered their composure, they will be able to view things from a different angle.
13. Share A Meal
Cooking a meal for your loved one and eating it together is one way to show support.
A gift card can be an additional way to show that you care if you are aware of the person’s favorite dish or eatery.
14. Let Them Talk
It will be more beneficial for your loved one to talk about their feelings than to keep their emotions bottled up when you start a conversation to get the conversation going. It might take some time and patience to get them to open up to you about their feelings, but once you have earned their confidence and trust, give them space to express themselves.
Occasionally, when given the chance to be discussed aloud, issues resolve themselves. You don’t have to say anything profound to comfort and heal. As they describe their struggles, just pay attention.
15 Acknowledge Their Loss
It’s crucial to respect another person’s assessment of their experiences, as with any loss. Everyone is different in how they are affected by grief, and what one person may consider unimportant may have a profound impact on another. When offering comfort to a friend, try to bear this in mind. No matter what kind of loss someone experiences, they should always have your love and support.
Instead, pay attention to how that person feels about it. A bereaved person frequently wants their grief to be acknowledged rather than understood. Although it might take some time, finding the ideal balance between acknowledging their grief and comprehending it is not a requirement for offering your support.
16. Don’t minimize their pain
When the other person bursts into tears, it is natural for us to react with, “don’t cry…”, “you’ll feel better”, or “cheer up”. It goes against logic, though, and could appear as if you’re making the other person’s feelings less important. Instead, of brushing their feelings aside or focusing on how they will feel better in the future, show up for them in the present
17. Offer physical affection
Occasionally, both you and the other person are reluctant to speak. If it’s appropriate, give him or her a hug even if they don’t seem ready to share. Generally speaking, these physical affections ought to be on par with the regular level of affection you display. If you’ve never hugged this person before, a hand on their shoulder might be sufficient; however, if this person is your partner, a hug or a snuggle would be appropriate.
18. Ask Questions
It hurts to watch as your loved one sobs uncontrollably while you are unsure of what to say or do. One of the last things they want is for you to comfort them by telling them to stop crying or that everything will be alright. As they sob and let everything out, try instead to gently probe them with questions.
You might want to start by letting them know that you understand their suffering and that it’s okay for them to cry. Then, see if you can get some tissues for them or get them to agree to you going outside for some fresh air. When you give them the choice between these, they might feel more in control and receptive to your comforting words.
19. Affirm your support and commitment
It is crucial to express your concern for your friend at that time and your regret for what they are going through. While they might feel better after talking to you, reaffirm your support and let them know that you are
There are ways to elicit emotional comfort from your partner if you find yourself in the opposite situation, where they fail to comfort you when you need it most. Or to put it another way, we can help them help us.
Sometimes it’s best to let someone cry their feelings out and uncontrollably shed a few tears. When you are free to express your emotions without worrying about what others will think of you or how you may appear, there is a certain sense of relief that comes over you.
There’s such a thing as having an “ugly cry” – letting yourself express emotion regardless of what you look like while doing it. When necessary, just let your loved one cry uncontrollably and take an ugly selfie; otherwise, skip it.