There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even the best of couples, with the most beautiful Instagram holiday photos, will admit to flaws and fractures in their relationship. Cheating, infidelity, and their ilk may be both cause and effect for many of these problems.
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How To Forgive Yourself For Cheating And Not Telling
Most people would find the guilt of cheating hard to deal with. In some ways, it might even change how you behave. You might become defensive or overly critical of your partner and what they do, because you’re deflecting the guilt away from yourself.
At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself this question – can you learn how to forgive yourself for cheating and not telling completely or will the guilt always be there?
That’s a question only you can answer for yourself. Everybody is unique. Some people can put it to one side and vow to learn from it. Others allow the guilt to eat away at them.
The other thing you need to be sure of is that it was a one-off mistake that will never be repeated.
If you, hand on heart, can’t 100% say that you’ll never cheat again, your partner deserves better. In that case, you need to be honest and tell them. Or, you need to figure out what you want and what is making you look towards someone else or something else.
1. Accept What You Did
You cannot think clearly if you’re still seeing or living with either of them. Distance yourself from them so you can be completely alone with your thoughts. Give yourself this space to just breathe and reflect. It’s very important that you’re alone with your thoughts so you can truly reflect and come up with a plan on how to make things right.
You may want to visit your parents so your partner won’t get suspicious, but make sure you won’t get too distracted. A better idea would be to go somewhere you can truly be alone.
You see, it’s not enough to just reflect on everything while you’re taking a shower or while you’re on the train, you have to remove yourself from your routine and habits.
2. Don’t Deny It Until You Die
If your partner is suspicious, do not pull the “deny until you die” card. We thought you wanted to forgive yourself? Well, you can’t be lying to your partner about it if that’s the case.
You just can’t forgive yourself while playing stupid with your partner. Just admit it. Listen, you cheated, so whatever happens, well, you can’t be too surprised.
3. Write Down Your Feelings
Although a little theatrical, this is one way to express your complex feelings without burdening your partner. Write down your emotions. Keep a journal where you can express all of your emotions, including guilt, anger, and sadness. You require a channel for your emotions because it serves no purpose to repress them or act as if nothing is wrong.
4. Don’t Demonize Yourself
Again, you cheated, we know. You’re also not a bad person. Mistakes happen, so you don’t have to take this as something so evil, you cannot live with yourself.
Understanding how to forgive yourself for cheating and not telling means you let go of the idea that you’re a horrible human being. You’re going to make mistakes, that’s life.
5. Why Did You Cheat?
Why did you really cheat? You already know the answer, you have it deep inside you, and you must accept the truth.
If you’re not into your partner, then you know what you should do. Forgiving yourself means doing what is right. It doesn’t mean it won’t hurt you or the other person, but it’s what needs to be done.
6. What Do You Want?
Now, what do you really want from your life? Do you want to be with your partner? If that’s the case and you want to be guilt-free, admit what you did, and then see if they’re willing to work it out with you.
If you want to no longer be with your partner, well, admit what you did and then take the steps needed to move on. Either way, it’s what you need to do to forgive yourself.
7. Don’t Make Excuses For Yourself
Oh, I was forced to sleep with them, they grabbed my arm at the bar and dragged me to the bathroom, I was defenseless. Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard it all before.
Listen, if you want, you have an excuse for everything. So, it’s time you grew up and laid off with lame excuses. You won’t be able to forgive yourself until you stop with the excuses and be real with yourself.
8. Seek Professional Help
How to forgive yourself for cheating and not telling? Seek a safe space where you can share all of that turmoil building up in your mind without any fear of judgment or blame. It’s understandable why you may feel that talking to your partner about it may not be the best idea. It could well put your relationship in jeopardy. That’s where talking to a mental health expert can be immensely cathartic.
This might be tricky without letting your partner find out. If it’s gotten to a point where you longer want to hide from your partner, you could take a relationship break while you sort yourself out. They needn’t know you cheated, just that you’re having some issues and need time to seek help.
Will I Ever Forgive Myself For Cheating?
The answer to this question is ultimately up to you. Forgiving yourself for cheating is a process, and it might take some time. But if you’re willing to do the work, it’s possible to forgive yourself and move on with your life.
Remember that you are not defined by your mistakes and that you can change. If you’re struggling to forgive yourself, talk to someone about it. They can offer support and help you to start the process of forgiveness. If you’re willing to work on yourself, I have no doubts that you’ll be able to forgive yourself and be a stronger person going forward.
Conclusion
It’s so easy to cheat but the consequences are too hard to deal with. But what’s done is done. You can beat yourself up for it for a while, but at some point, you have to stop because not only is it harmful for you, it doesn’t fix anything. Right now, give yourself all the compassion and love you need. You need a gentle hand to guide you out of your misery, and that better be yours.