Self-care is a topic that is discussed more frequently than ever today, and for good reason. Healthcare professionals and therapists are exchanging ideas on how to calm down, reduce anxiety, and create the most peaceful present moment possible.
Learning how to face the past without letting it control your present and future can be a challenging step to take, but it is possible. We’re going to share seven strategies with you today so that you can stop the problem from ruining your life and reclaim your innocence.
Table of Contents
Who Is The Inner Child?
There is a scene in the film Rocketman where Attending a support group allows Elton John to have imaginary encounters with various characters from his youth. When Elton finally sees his younger self, he stoops to give him a hug. This is a significant turning point for the actor because it shows that he is finally accepting his past.
This scene symbolizes, psychologically speaking, that his adult and child selves have “reintegrated” and are no longer separated. In other words, Elton John is no longer rejecting the young Reggie Dwight who always felt different, the small, scared part of himself. He’s actually accepting and loving this younger version of himself.
Rocketman illustrates what many of us sense at a deep level — that our childhood self never really left us, that they still exist alongside our adult identity.
You may not always be aware of this younger self (or selves), but they can have a significant influence on how you perceive the world. The influence of your inner child, however, should never be understated because they have the power to influence every aspect of your life, including the types of people you date and the direction you choose for your career. And even when you believe that you have replaced your childish beliefs with adult or mature ones, your inner child may still be secretly in charge behind the scenes. Why then don’t you get to know them?
How Does The Wounded Inner Child Affect?
Although this is not a mature or logical stage, many of our fundamental beliefs about the world begin to take shape before the age of eight. In fact, from the time we are born until the age of seven, we have an “ego-centric” perspective of the world, which means we think that everything that occurs in our immediate environment is somehow related to or caused by us. Our understanding of other people’s inherent selves as distinct beings with their own lives, including our parents, is still limited.
For instance, if a child’s parents are divorcing, they may place the blame on themselves and believe it is their fault for misbehaving rather than realizing that the adults are experiencing relationship issues. In the same way, if a child’s mother appears distant, they might assume this means they are unlovable rather than that she is stressed. Therefore, if you went through challenging childhood experiences like abuse, abandonment, or neglect, you might have thought that you were somehow to blame and deserving of it. And even if you only have hazy memories of these encounters, they might still be having a significant impact on you today.
For instance, if you had a depressed parent, your inner child may be roused if your romantic interest experiences depression. Of course, your logical adult self understands that there may be a number of factors contributing to your altered state of mind, but another part of you may feel overpowered, rejected, or resentful. This is due to the fact that the younger version of you is reading the same meaning into the circumstance as you did when you were younger and responding accordingly. And this interpretation could be “they don’t love me anymore,” “I just can’t make them happy,” or “It’s my fault they’re depressed.”‘ Or it might say, “I have to save them” or “I can make them feel better again.” Similar to this, if you grew up with an addicted parent, you might end up choosing an addicted partner later in life. Because the relationship feels so familiar and like “home” to your inner child, you might also find it extremely difficult to end the relationship.
How To Heal Your Inner Child?
1. Trust
Your wounded inner child needs to have faith in you in order for him to come out of hiding. Additionally, your inner child requires a comforting, unjudgmental ally to validate his abandonment, neglect, abuse, and enmeshing. These are the primary components of initial pain work.
2. Validation
If you’re still prone to downplay and/or rationalize the ways that you were humiliated, neglected, or used to care for your parents, you must now acknowledge the fact that these behaviors seriously injured your soul. Although they themselves were wounded children, your parents weren’t bad people.
3. Shock & Anger
It’s great that you find this all shocking because grief begins with shock.
Even if the wrongdoing was unintentional, it’s acceptable to feel angry. In fact, you have to be angry if you want to heal your wounded inner child. Although you might, I’m not saying you have to scream and shout. Being enraged over a shady deal is perfectly acceptable.
![Inner Child](https://www.theperfectideas.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/image-1024x521.png)
4. Embrace Your Emotions
Though some inner child work might, not all of it will, anger or resentment may surface. For instance, you might feel regret for your parents or rage at a friend or relative. Go ahead and sit with those emotions rather than attempting to ignore them.
This could result in reliving feelings of rage, sadness, emptiness, or embarrassment. As these feelings rise to the surface, speak with a therapist. Often, the only w
5. Shock & Anger
It’s great if all of this shocks you because grief starts with shock.
Even if what was done to you was unintentional, it’s acceptable to be upset. In fact, you have to be angry if you want to heal your wounded inner child. You don’t have to scream and shout, though you might. Just be angry about a shady deal; it’s acceptable.
I’m confident that, with two adult children who were wounded, [my parents] did their best. However, I’m also conscious of the profound spiritual injury I sustained and the lasting effects it has had on my life. In other words, I hold each of us accountable for stopping the harm we cause to one another and to others. The obvious abuse and dysfunction that pervaded my family system will not be tolerated.
6. Take Steps To Fill The Gap
Because you lack the ability to fight back against your circumstances when you’re younger, you become a victim of them. You can take proactive measures as an adult to give yourself the things you wished you had as a child.
For instance, if you were trapped in a cycle of poverty as a child, you can take action to change your present financial situation. Work with a professional who can show you how to set up a budget, make savings for the future, and make the most of your income. Alternately, if you experienced feelings of abandonment and invisibility as a child, look for friendships with people who value their time with you and make an effort to maintain them.
And then allow yourself to enjoy the freedom that comes with receiving what you wish your parents or guardians would have given you years ago.
Situation Of Inner Child
1. Sadness
Hurt and sadness are followed by anger. If we were taken advantage of, we need to mourn that betrayal. Additionally, we must lament the unrealized potential of our hopes and dreams. We must lament our unmet developmental needs.
2. Remorse
Remorse is sometimes more important when we are mourning a death; for example, we might wish we had spent more time with the person. But in grieving childhood abandonment, you must help your wounded inner child see that there was nothing he could’ve done differently. His pain is about what happened to him; it’s about him
3. Loneliness
Toxic shame and loneliness rank among the most fundamental grief emotions. Because [our parents] left us, we felt ashamed. Our shame causes us to feel isolated because we believe we are flawed and contaminated. Because of how flawed and defective he feels, our inner child hides his true self behind his modified, false self. He eventually starts to identify with his false self. He is still isolated and alone in his true self.
4. Self-sabotaging Behaviours
Ever missed the deadline to apply for a dream job? Alternatively, starting a pointless argument with a new partner? This can occasionally be a sign that, even though the adult you are prepared for a promotion or a committed relationship, the younger you is extremely scared and anxious about it.
Your inner child’s self-destructive behavior may manifest as forgetfulness, tardiness, or irrational outbursts and can have its origins in a variety of different situations. When you are actually acting out of fear, it might even appear as if you are defending why a situation—such as a relationship, job, or opportunity—isn’t quite right for you. It is crucial to pay attention to self-destructive behavior because childhood issues may be to blame.
5. Difficult Relationship
Family conflicts, feeling abandoned, criticized, or excluded, as well as a strong emotional bond between you and your parents, may fall under this category. Whatever the problem, any type of difficult family relationship may be a sign of unresolved childhood problems and unmet needs that date back many years.
Actually, the way your parents or siblings make you feel today may be an indication of how you felt when you were younger because your inner child still responds to them in the same manner. Therefore, if you feel unheard, used as a scapegoat, or emotionally abandoned by your family, pay attention to this because your younger self may be trying to get your attention.
It’s true that your inner child carries wounds, but they also carry joy. As evidenced by the current “grown-up lego craze,” adults who are in touch with their inner child frequently have a genuine sense of play. And once you start to get in touch with your younger self, you’ll discover that the benefits are enormous because you’ll likely develop a newfound sense of wonder, awe, and curiosity about the world.