It can be incredibly enticing to meet someone new who you really like and find fascinating. You might find yourself constantly thinking about them, wondering what they’re like—or, more likely, projecting ideas of what they’re like—and planning what will happen when you see each other next.
But it’s possible to go overboard, which could cause heartbreak or even keep you from getting to know the person you’re interested in. If you find yourself daydreaming about someone a little too much, here’s how to stop obsessing over them.
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What Is Obsessive Love Disorder?
Obsessing over someone compels us to do the following:
- adjusting our actions in the hope that by doing so, we can pique the other person’s interest.
- assessing the intensity of their feelings toward us by constantly analyzing every action or statement they make.
- keeping an eye on their activities.
- putting forth the effort to keep the subject of our obsession in constant communication with them.
Is An Obsessive Relationship healthy?
Although most people would agree that the ultimate goal of a relationship is growth, different people frequently have different ideas of what this entails. Growth frequently causes you to feel fear and become anxious, tense, or preoccupied with the relationship.
Some people consider it a sign of a healthy relationship when partners want to spend all of their time together in the same location. Another person might believe that having some degree of independence is crucial and spending a lot of time with friends, relying on brief phone calls to keep the friendship going.
For each couple, it’s going to be important that they define their relationship in the same way and decide what level of attachment or independence is important for each person. It can be challenging to decide on something together sometimes. Discussing your feelings and viewpoints with another person—a partner, a woman, a man, a girl, a guy, or a group of individuals—can help you put them into words.
Additionally, one person may be more invested in the relationship than the other or not understand the other person’s love language, which is when the obsession with that person can start to take off. Lack of effective love translation or lack of interest may cause the more love-hungry person to yearn for more and develop an obsession with the other person. They may elevate the other person in an effort to connect and grow closer, and all of a sudden, their actions become focused on the happiness of the other person rather than on their own circumstances.
Dangers And Consequences Of Obsessing
If you are in a relationship and you are more invested than the other person, it can come across as an obsessive love for the other person even if the feelings are actually completely healthy to you.
If you aren’t in a relationship at all then the level where it becomes obsession could be even lower and you could be in a very bad place. In either case, it’s critical to learn how to stop obsessing over someone so you can move past it and resume living your life, whether it involves them or not.
9 Symptoms Of Obsessive
First, let’s talk about the obsessive love concept we briefly explored. It’s critical to determine whether you are exhibiting signs of obsessive love if you are concerned that your strong feelings for this person are unhealthy. Here are 9 common signs:
1. Constantly Thinking About The Person
Someone who suffers from obsessive love usually wants to spend an excessive amount of time with the other person, to the point that they are always thinking about them and behaving in ways that put them in touch with the other person.
People who are in love obsessively spend so much time thinking about the person they are in love with that they neglect their friends, family, and jobs, which lowers their quality of life. They might put restrictions on their social interactions or other relationships to the point where they can no longer carry out daily tasks.
2. Possessive Feelings To The Person
If you have obsessive love disorder, you don’t want to imagine the thought of this other person even considering being with anyone besides you. Additionally, you don’t want this person to be perceived by others as a potential love interest because you feel they are yours and yours alone.
As a result, you might become envious of people you know or even complete strangers who interact with the subject of your obsession. It can also result in making incorrect assumptions about how this person will interact with someone else, which could put them in an embarrassing situation if they overreact.
Here are 10 tips to help you stop being a jealous person if you feel like it is holding you back from being the person you want to be.
3. Feelings Of Being Unworthy Of Love
The most vulnerable act a human can commit is falling in love. When you fall in love, you expose yourself to the possibility of abandonment or rejection. If you don’t feel worthy of that love, you will feel insecure in your relationship, constantly believing that you will get hurt.
Take a moment to read these 13 tips for loving yourself more if you’re having trouble with feelings of unworthiness.
4. To protect The Object Of Obsessive Love
You claim to want to protect the person from others who may harm them, but you are really just isolating them from the rest of the world. By persuading this person that their friends and family are toxic, you might try to reduce the number of people they hang out with.
Creating limits for them in “their best interest” is a form of control that is a result of obsession.
5. Feelings Of Jealousy
The feelings of possession you have over this person play a role in this. You don’t want anyone to believe that this person is available or to believe that they have feelings for someone other than their friends. Furthermore, you don’t want the subject of your obsession to discover someone they believe they will like more than you.
6. Tend To Not Accept Rejection
You might react strongly if the other person hangs up on you during a phone call, leaves you hanging during a fight, or does anything else to reject you. Any hint of rejection that you get from this person sends you into a panic, thinking that you might lose them forever. You find it difficult to accept rejection or failure.
7. Repeated Phone Calls And Text Messages
Not only do you need to check up on this person during the day, you also want to constantly be on their mind. By communicating with them via texts and phone calls, you can keep track of their whereabouts throughout the day and ensure that they are paying attention to you.
When you text or call someone and don’t hear back for a while, you probably become very upset and frustrated and jump to the worst possible conclusions, such as believing that they are with someone else or committing a crime behind your back.
8. Diminished Contact With Family Members And Friends
You give up time that you would otherwise spend with your friends and family to be with this other person. They come first to you, and you never want to imply that you can’t be there for them.
Because you spend all of your time with this one person, holiday dinners at your parents’ house may be shortened and social outings with your friends may become infrequent.
9. Exhibiting The Halo Effect
Any and everything this person does is perfect for you. The things you do for them must also be flawless in every way. You might sleep with a piece of their clothing in your home every night or stare at a picture by your bed until you nod off.
Why do these signs and symptoms affect people? And how does someone become so consumed with someone else that their entire world revolves around them? Let’s consider some potential causes for this.
11 Ways To Stop Obsessing Over Someone
Here are some tried-and-true methods to stop the unhealthy attraction if your obsession with someone is ruining your life.
1. Take Them Down From Their Perch.
When we are drawn to someone, it is very simple to overlook their flaws. You can overcome the obsession by purposefully drawing attention to their flaws. Look at everything this person does that you don’t like or wouldn’t prefer in a partner. Highlight these areas a little bit more to make it clear that there is a balance and that the person is fallible in these areas.
Consider the challenging times you have experienced with this person as well. Consider the times you were anxious about what they were doing or the time they left you in the middle of an argument. Don’t just concentrate on the good things from the past; also remember the times when this person displayed their true colors.
2. Don’t Let Their Judgments
We frequently hold someone’s opinion in high regard when we are obsessed with them, regardless of how ridiculous it may be. It’s time to cut this person out of your life if they make you feel inferior with their hurtful words. You deserve love and respect. You are not a victim of your past, and unless you let it, it doesn’t define you.
There is always a chance to make a positive change and advance in a new direction, so don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. You’ll experience confinement, restriction, and despair as a result of doing this. Because they are uncomfortable with the positive change in your life and worried that they will lose you as you advance and move on to better things, people who want to keep you from thinking in this way are likely to employ this tactic.
The final say in your life must always rest with you. You act in a way that will benefit you over the long run, and you don’t pay attention to people who try to limit you or your potential.
3. Get A Support System
Enlist the help of your friends to help you cope and get over a person you’re obsessed with. Your friends and family can provide you with that crucial outsider’s perspective because they are likely very aware of the situation. You can learn things about yourself and the other person by using their point of view. Perhaps there were some warning signs or unfavorable characteristics that you chose to ignore. If necessary, find an accountability partner who you can turn to when you feel overtaken by obsessional thoughts.
They will also be able to give you support and comfort during this time. Get outside as soon as you can. To go out to dinner or for a drink, make a call to your friends. Don’t wallow in solitude at home. Because the other person is still living their life, continue living yours as you normally would.
4. Accept The Fact
This might be true of a brand-new crush or an ex-partner. Even though you may want them, they don’t add anything useful to your life. Believe that you are better off without someone who does not appreciate or cherish you. You ought not to need to persuade someone to stay with you or want to be with you, in your opinion. Additionally, consider how you lived your life prior to meeting this person.
The realization that you don’t require this person in your life will take some getting used to. However, understanding it will become simpler and simpler over time. You will come to understand that you are actually better off without them after enough time has passed.
5. Practice Mindfulness
You will become stuck in your obsessive behavior if, every time you start to think about this person, you don’t take any action to stop your thought patterns. Stop thinking about that person every time you do. Recognize when you are succumbing to an obsessional thought pattern. Once you are able to recognize the thoughts as they form, you can start to control them.
Although practicing mindfulness is necessary, it will pay off once you get the hang of it. Your body and mind can heal thanks to it. The benefits of mindfulness have been well-established for centuries. Try mindful meditation, and be willing to consider whether it might assist you in shifting your perspective.
6. Distance Yourself
You can focus on your own life instead of the subject of your obsession by putting distance between yourself and that subject. Moving temporarily to a different city or avoiding locations where the other person frequently congregates are two examples of what it might entail. We are creatures of habit, and our weekly routines hardly ever change.
Routines and habits provide comfort and a sense of security. But right now, you want to break out of that pattern so you can stop obsessing. If you are doing things that make you think of this person, you are not attempting to remove them from your thoughts; rather, you are attempting to keep them in your life.
It is time to create new habits. By altering your habits, you’re telling your brain to become alert and attentive, which is the kind of brain pattern you require. And if your levels of obsession are extreme? As a result, you must act and assume command.
7. Find The Origin Of Your Obsession
Asking yourself how your relationship with your primary caregivers was may be one way to do this. It’ll likely help clarify why you’re currently obsessed with someone and help you comprehend why you want a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable.
Consider attachment styles and make an effort to identify the type of attachment style you possess. This may account for your behavior in relationships and your need to hang on to people even when they aren’t expressing the same emotions to you.
8. Look For Something Fresh To Do
Commit to learning new things in the coming weeks. It gives you new skills and something else to think about other than the person you are fixated on.
Perhaps taking up a new hobby seems like a generic answer to many issues in life, but that is only because it is so successful. To get out of your obsessive rut, learning a new skill can stimulate your brain and change your perspective.
9. Keep Yourself Too Busy To Think About Them
Give your brain a different task to complete if you’re having trouble relaxing. “Seek out other social support and activities,” advises Relationship and sex therapy are areas of expertise for Kate Double, a psychotherapist. “Read a good book, go for a walk in the park, or engage in some exercise.” Take up a new hobby, enroll in a course, plan an outing with your friends, or call a relative to talk. It will be more difficult for you to focus on your crush if you engage in anything enjoyable or distracting. Another benefit of staying busy is that it will serve as a reminder of how interesting and full your life is even without this person taking up your thoughts.
10. Consult A Professional.
If your obsession with someone is affecting the overall quality of your life, it would be a good idea to consult a health professional to determine if medical intervention is necessary. Although speaking with friends and family can be very beneficial, it isn’t always the best course of action for those who are suffering from severe obsessive thoughts.
You can start changing your thought patterns by talking to a professional about what is making you think about this other person, what it is about them that is keeping your thoughts there, and how you can start exploring these issues. You’ll identify your triggers and gain knowledge of redirection. You can follow a professional’s guidance to find recovery. Don’t feel guilty for asking for help from a professional.
11 Reality Is More Rewarding Than Fantasy
Fantasy is great as long as you recognize that it is just that—something you have imagined, is engaging in, and which may have no connection to the reality of your relationship with that person. Keep in mind that developing a genuine relationship with your crush will probably look different from what you’re picturing—but in a good way! You’ll be much better able to concentrate on the real person you’re getting to know if you can resist getting completely sucked in. This will make it easier for your relationship to grow authentically and healthy.
I’m hoping that the 11 strategies we discussed gave you some inspiration for how to stop worrying excessively about someone and move on with your life.