More than just the love you feel for someone else is at play when you are in a relationship. Being a part of a couple also provides the companionship, friendship, and conversation that people naturally crave. By splitting costs and income in a relationship in the modern world, you can raise your standard of living. If you have kids, your partner becomes your family.
The impact can be devastating once you realize you have to leave this behind. If you still feel in love with the person you want to leave, it becomes even more challenging. It may seem impossible to know how to leave someone you love while dealing with all of these factors. To be able to move on with your life, you can only hope to experience as little pain as possible. Here we list 12 thing you need to do to leave someone you love.
Table of Contents
How to Prepare
- First, assess your “why?”.
Sometimes it’s obvious that you and your partner may not share many interests or the same goals for the future. When this happens, the “why” it’s pretty cut and dry. And more often than not,” it” will feel over for your partner too. When this occurs, leaving someone you love becomes much simpler.
Other times, you might not be entirely certain of your desire to put an end to things. Maybe you’re in a toxic relationship that drains you and makes you wonder why you’re still in it. It can be difficult to figure out how to leave a toxic relationship.
Another possibility is that you lost interest in or desire for your partner. If this is the case, then be aware that this is normal and that rekindling desire is possible if both parties are sincere in their desire to learn how.
Maybe you’ve started to love someone else?
Or is it possible that you unfairly blame your partner for your current state of dissatisfaction because you have unrealistic expectations of them? Try to be completely honest with yourself about this.
Even if you don’t discuss your reasons for leaving with your partner, doing your best requires you to comprehend what’s internally driving you to leave. Check out the following articles if you’re having trouble understanding why you’re breaking up: Breaking Up? 40 Common Reasons Why Couples Separate and How to Make the Best of the Worst.
2. Evaluate your readiness to end this relationship.
Being prepared to end your relationship is not the same as knowing you are. Spend some time resolving any doubts you may have about ending a relationship with someone you hold dear.
Focus on your heart center while you are closed-eyed. Observe the changes that occur in your body and heart as you picture yourself having this conversation. Do you feel clear-headed and at peace? Or do you experience anxiety, panic, sadness, guilt, shame, or fear?
Do you have a part of you that is so afraid to hurt your partner, that you would rather stick it out than feel the discomfort of breaking up and risk being seen as the “bad guy/gal”? If so, visiting a therapist would be beneficial in this situation.
When this occurs, it is almost always the result of a deeply ingrained learned belief that the needs of others come before your own. An experienced psychotherapist who is familiar with codependency can be very helpful in this situation because it can take time to let go of this kind of belief.
And when this kind of belief isn’t released, people frequently develop resentment and become passive-aggressive over time. Some people even engage in inappropriate behavior, which leads them to cheat on their significant other and engage in extramarital affairs.
3. Test the waters to assess how your partner may react to your decision to end the relationship
Typically, it takes more than one conversation to end a relationship. Depending on where your partner is at and/or how fragile your partner may be, the conversation will take different forms.
If your “why” for wanting to leave this person is because you don’t have much in common or you believe that the two of you have outgrown each other, then this will most likely be an easier conversation.
If there are other factors involved, such as toxic behavior patterns, abuse, or dependency, or if you are having feelings for someone else and want to leave to be with them, then be prepared for a lot of pushback. Maybe it’s not best for either of you to tell them the truth about why you want to leave.
Regardless of your why, you can test the waters by saying things like, “Recently, I’ve felt a little cut off from us and uncertain about our future. Have you been feeling the same way”?
Or “Recently, I’ve been experiencing a lot of anxiety and conflict. As much as I love you, something just doesn’t feel right for me…”
If you are in a toxic relationship, or your partner is still in love with you, then your “testing the waters” conversation will either cause panic in the other or feel like an assault on your partner’s sense of self. They may beg you to stay saying “they will do anything” to fix it or try to shame you for wanting to leave them. If you share children, they might even say that if you leave, the kids will be damaged.
It is best to work with an experienced therapist who can help you plan around this if there are children involved.
Always keep in mind that pain lies beneath defensive actions. In this case, try to simply listen to your partner without reacting defensively and then read tip #4 below if you encounter any of this resistance from them.
How to Move on After Leaving Someone You Love
Your mind may be telling your heart to let go of someone you love, but your heart may still be holding on. This could be due to something as minor as the feeling you’ve outgrown the relationship or something grave like physical abuse.
Learning how to leave someone you love is difficult no matter what your personal circumstances are. You should find some guidance in the following suggestions on how to approach this in the most constructive manner possible so that you can both find closure.
5. Do It Face Face
It’s only fair that you end your relationship with your partner face-to-face once you’ve made up your mind to do so. It’s fair to give your partner the chance to respond if they have anything to say that will help them move past the breakup.
Even though it is much simpler for you to have difficult conversations by text or phone, it is preferable to find the courage and show them respect by ending the relationship in person unless you don’t feel safe doing so or you are afraid of their possible violent reaction.
6. Accept That You Still Love Each Other, But Your Differences Are Irreconcilable
Relationships can end for a variety of reasons, some of which are not related to abuse or betrayal. There is no resolution to this type of conflict if your boyfriend wants kids and you don’t.
No matter how much you may love each other, it won’t change these preferences if neither person wants to be persuaded. The only thing you can do is accept the fact that you don’t share the same goals for your life and that you won’t be able to make each other happy in the end.
Realistically, you should break up with them right away. When a relationship ends, it can be difficult to move on and find someone who shares your values. The sooner you are able to do this, the sooner you can find that person.
7. Acknowledge That There is a Serious Problem in Your Relationship
Relationships can deteriorate toxically over time. The relationship will eventually become toxic for one or both of you, but neither of you will be aware of this because of the way you interact and behave. It’s crucial for you to understand how to end a relationship while you are still in love once you realize there is no way to change the unhealthy dynamic between you.
When a relationship is over, ending it is simple. You must be ready for the heartache that will come after making the difficult choice, though, if you are still madly in love with your partner. You’ll stay strong and committed to moving on with your life if you constantly remind yourself of the significant issues in the relationship and the reasons why they can’t last.
8. You Deserve Better
When you’re worried that you’ll never find a friend again, saying goodbye to someone you love is much harder. Because they are worried about remaining alone forever, a lot of people stay in meaningless relationships. However, everyone should be aware that they have a right to be treated with respect by the person they are dating and have a chance at finding true love.
It’s a mistake to stay with someone who depresses you or brings out the worst in you. It will stop you from getting over the hurt this experience has caused you and from meeting the right person. Avoid looking back as you leave. Have faith in the choice you made.
9. No Contact After the Breakup
Calling your partner whenever you are having a problem is a habit that cannot be broken. You can’t do this after you’ve called it quits. Because you continue to act as though you are a couple even after deciding it’s better that you are apart, it will be confusing for both of you.
You may not be aware of it, but you are using emergencies as an excuse to contact your ex. It indicates that a part of you is still clinging to the romance and refusing to let it end. You won’t be able to move on because of this.
After a breakup, it is advised that no contact be made for a significant amount of time. Allow yourself to gradually get off of his mind. No communication is allowed on their social media pages as well. If you can, delete them so that you won’t have to see their updates and photos; otherwise, you’ll only be reminded of how painful it was to lose a loved one.
10. Focus on Yourself
Do you want to learn the healthiest way to end a relationship while still in love? Do it by putting your attention on yourself rather than your ex. It’s simple to become consumed by worries about your ex finding love again soon or whether he’s having as hard of a time as you are. However, the terrain here is hazardous.
If you keep thinking about the issue, it will only get worse. Focusing on your recovery and your ability to emerge from the situation stronger and wiser rather than defensive and resentful is the healthy way to proceed. For the purpose of preventing them from recurring in your subsequent relationships, read some self-help books and try to pinpoint the underlying causes of the issues in your current relationship.
Make improvements to your character so that you can join a loving couple in happiness.
11. Allow Yourself to Grieve
These days, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be resilient. Some people think it can be unhealthy to harbor negative emotions inside of you. Keep your hurt feelings to yourself and don’t assume that just because it happened, you should start moving past them right away.
Healing requires patience, especially if you are still in love with your ex. Set aside a specific amount of time for yourself to mourn the end of your relationship. You may cry as much as you want during this time. You can think back on the fun times you had together and daydream about all the ways it could have been even better.
Whether it takes three months or a year, remember that a new day will begin once this period of time has passed. You won’t allow yourself to brood over your breakup any longer or mention your ex.
12. Don’t Try to Stay Friends
It is not a good idea to try to keep the friendship going after the relationship has ended. Although it can be difficult to figure out how to leave someone you love, keeping up a friendship with them will only delay your ability to move on. The grief of ending a relationship is a necessary pain that cannot be escaped or tricked out of happening, so give yourself permission to experience it.
You might even be giving your ex the impression that they have a chance of winning your forgiveness when you make an effort to be cordial with them. It’s advised that you end things amicably. Recall why you chose to end the relationship despite how difficult it was.
Summary
One of the hardest things you’ll ever have to deal with is getting over the end of a relationship when you’re still in love. Accept that it will be a difficult process and that you will feel broken for a while. Be brave.
In the interim, concentrate on your own recovery and strive to emerge from the experience a better person. Intend to be content and complete. You’ll be prepared to embrace the long-lasting love that lies ahead of you before you know it.